💌 revision 💌

The demo release 1993 Super Mario Brothers vhs tape and ironic(?) WAR IN THE GULF VIDEO SERIES: First Strike! Desert Storm U.S. ARMY vhs tape were about seven inches from where I prepped kale and dried eggplants for khoresht, but that kitchen wasn’t built to cook in and that bedroom wasn’t meant to dream in.

About four inches from the left edge of my bed was my fourteen inch synthetic desk where the “fun” work, the money work, the email work, the spam work, the therapy work, the horror work, the– I taped pictures of clouds around the edges of the desk to forget how small and how cramped and how I’m an impounded car crushed in a cube and omg…wait OMFG

this hyperpop Since You’ve Been Gone x Cotton Eye Joe mashup is giving rn

The sweat the smoke bhmmmbhmmmbhmmm

Thick air and sticky floors

Who’s playing tonight bhmmmbhmmmbhmmm

BRUH DYLAN BRADY JUST VIEWED MY STORY OF THEIR SET WTF 💀

Your ironic Shen Yun t shirt is sooooo

My bones rattle bhmmmbhmmmbhmmm

My hips sing

Mashallah mashallah bhmmmbhmmmbhmmm

This Greenpoint industrial warehouse only found on Google Maps via longitude and latitude coordinates is lit fr

Charli is pissing me off

and Elsewhere sucks now

and The Rosemont sucks now

and Straight people are

well Straight people are

There are more straight people than

I don’t

I don’t feel as

Am I Getting Old? Or

Ok

But

Safe Spaces

Like, actual safe spaces

Not what they build on top of us

Not what they stole, try to sell, stuck a dumbass bow on

Like where we can be angry and dance and brown and gay

Like where I can cry and grieve for my people like

keep getting forced farther

Smaller

Quieter

Dimmer

Until I would wake up, slink right out of bed straight to the desk, a zombie hunch between work and play. Pulled and tugged like taffy, sitting in the same swivel office chair every day. My neighbor was out the window shirtless, smoking, and scrolling for three years. I started researching the effects of solitary confinement. I started daydreaming about leaving everything, becoming a firefighter so I could burn things down safely and coming home to closets. Closets I could shove, stuff, slam, and forget about all these cowards that have made me hate this place.

When I saw the size of the closet in the spare room here, I laughed. The first thing I ordered was a brand new, gaudy-sized desk with every bell and whistle I could imagine. A BDE desk, a bossy desk that plugs in and moves and trains and changes and obeys in ways that feel selfish and opaque. Out my window is leaves falling,

and falling

and branches dancing in the early fall sun.

Crickets, cicadas, and HVACS sing their songs .

Here I drive at night in pitch blackness

up rolly hills and open fields

and I watch deer

And I delete apps

And I learn about the trees

And I broom

And I Target

And I

And

And I will “fun” work

money work

email work

spam work

therapy work

horror work

And I don’t know if I’m any safer

Or happier

Or wiser than I was there, but here when they hate me, they say it to my face.

Which makes me feel less crazy.